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Joke of the Day

"How do you make apple jelly? google maps."

"#MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'"

"What did Barack say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't want to be Obama self."

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"I hate in your end. O. (innuendo)"

"""Was he better than me?"" ""Joe, don't."" ""I have a right to know!"" ""No, he wasn't better than you."" [god appears] ""Mary, what the hell?"""

"Q- How many billionaires does it take to make Batman A- Three. Two to die and one to never get over it. I heard this in the game Arkham Knight"

"Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him. He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed."

"Punishment Not talking to your husband to punish him is like trying to kill a fish by drowning!"

"What's the difference between a bindle of cocaine and a baby?? Eric Clapton wouldn't let one fall out the window"