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Joke of the Day

"I hope you're using all the time you save by saying ""totes"" instead of a ""totally"" to learn a trade."

"[serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left"

"Berlin 1945 Ten Soviet soldiers are lining up to rape a German woman. She keeps screaming ""Nein!Nein!"" So one of them left."

"What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common? Hogwarts."

"You've gotta hand it to short people.. Usually because they can't reach it"

"A seven year old girl goes to subway and orders a footlong Jared delivers"

"What happened when to the psychoanalyst when he went ice skating for the first time? A Freudian Slip"

"What should you do when an elephant comes in your window? Swim."

"What Were Mussolini's Secret Police Called? The Gazpacho"

"Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers? Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm."