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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan? Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them."

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"""Welcome to the Association Against Acronyms & Abbreviations, your office is this way..."" - ""We should call it AAAA!"" ""You're fired."""
"Women are good for 70 things. cleaning house, and 69"
"What do you call a budget circumcision? A rip off."
"Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch."
"Golfer: ""I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."" Caddy: ""I doubt you could keep your head down that long."""
"I'm sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again."
"*slowly unwraps a candy bar as neighbor talks about her new diet"
"I've realized that when my wife says ""what?"" its not because she didnt hear me, shes just giving me a chance to unsay something I just said."
"I love Taco Bell so much that I even enjoy being *asked* what style of tacos I want... I get hard every time."