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Joke of the Day

"Things I've learned as a mom: Kiss boo boo's. Say I love you a lot. Snuggle when they ask. Do laundry daily. Hide the good snacks."

"Love is like a machine... ...sometimes you just need a good screw to fix it."

"They say that it's tough to learn Bosnian because it has seven verb tenses: six past one present and no future."

"How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the chin"

"Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won't go into a corn maze without a machete."

"With the rape allegations against Cosby... I guess we know what he meant by pudding pops. (I just made this up. Sorry if it's been posted.)"

"Have you heard my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy"

"Look at all of these beautiful horse ""Horses"" Horse is already plural ""You're thinking of elk"" *stares off* Holy mooses, you're right"

"""Statistics show that most shark attacks happen in shallow water."" Really? Maybe cus that's where the ppl are u idiots."

"My friend said his baby is sooo smart but the stupid idiot can't even figure out his way home when I forget him on the bus"