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Joke of the Day

"Love is like a machine... ...sometimes you just need a good screw to fix it."

"""Can I replace the fries with a salad?"" = ""Do you mind if I spit on the American flag?"""

"How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? because they are ugly and they smell bad"

"Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman."

"A gorilla walks into a bar Holy shit run!"

"If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam, it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher. Edit: grammar"

"hope no vids surface of the time i opened a bag of potato chips and one flew out and hit me in the eye"

"What do you get when you cross a hit of acid with a birth control pill? A trip without the kids."

"Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family? He lost hijab."