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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when homeless people have sexual relations? Hoboerotic"

"Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great."

"Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks? Because his number couldn't fit in their phones"

"Operator: ""9-1-1 please hold..."" Me: ""Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second."" Murderer: ""K."""

"What subject are snakes good at school ? Hiss-tory !"

"I'd like to know the series of events leading up to the first guy discovering cows had milk in them"

"Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay ... Just to really complete the experience"

"Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home"

"I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door. Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, ""I wanna watch""."

"Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics."