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Joke of the Day

"Operator: ""9-1-1 please hold..."" Me: ""Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second."" Murderer: ""K."""

"Was having a problem with one of my contact lenses. Fortunately, my wife had the solution."

"I've always been the kind of person who likes to think outside of the box. Although it has harmed my career as a goalkeeper."

"Why is a duck-billed platypus called a duck-billed platypus? Because fucked up duck-beaver lookin thing doesn't sound scientific enough."

"As a kid, I was always scared of the dentist. He was a pedophile. You wouldn't believe the fillings he gave me."

"The Snake Handler The snake handler suffered from a reptile dysfinction"

"Why do vegans give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts"

"What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? After you slap it, a mosquito will stop sucking."

"NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers"

"Whats better than Roses on a Piano? Tulips on an Organ."