50978

Joke of the Day

"Roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun Get in the van"

"COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* ""Sorry this isn't my car."""

"What do you call Nazis from San Francisco? Bay Aryans"

"With the new Disney-Lucas Films merger... ... is Leia a Disney princess?"

"I hate gingerbread. If I owned a bakery, I wouldn't tolerate gingerbread. I'd be like, ""Get outta here, you redhead. Your money isn't good here."""

"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."

"Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? In an American nursing home."

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense"

"*spills water on pants* ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants ""hey what happ--"" MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL"

"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & you got your dogs from the shelter.... How do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"