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Joke of the Day

"Condoms 1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats. 1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat."

"A guy is about to die Guy: How much time do I have left, doctor? Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what?! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years? Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5..."

"To all the men out there without ponytails: What are you afraid of? SUCCESS???"

"I just found out Nicki Minaj isn't animated!"

"9: Have you seen my harmonica? [flashback to me smashing it with a hammer] me: Did you look under your bed?"

"I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant ""food."" I try to find the food in every situation."

"Adulting so well today. Managed to make the bed while i was still in it. Now to figure out how to get out, without messing it up."

"Why is Peter pan always flying? Because he NEVERLANDS. This joke is great because it never grows old."

"When I'm feeling down. I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio"

"Being an adult is basically that feeling when the fireworks are over and it's time to go home, but all the time."