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Joke of the Day

"I broke up with her... Her name was ""anti gravity"" and she would never ""go down"" on me."

"Why was the lobster upset? Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!"

"Advent calendars are fun if you ignore that every day is a new, fresh hell waiting to be survived."

"Q: What did the fisherman say to the card magician? A: Pick a cod, any cod!"

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But only if the light bulb wants to change."

"I once met an Italian fellow with feet made entirely out of rubber. His name was Roberto."

"What did Alan Rickman say as he stood over David Bowie's grave? Mind if I Slytherin?"

"Two vultures boarded an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looked at them and said, ""I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion per passenger is allowed."""

"Whats the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer and the other one is a watermelon"

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."