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Joke of the Day
"I become instantly beautiful when I put on my sunglasses. -Every girl, ever."
Next Joke
"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"
"I've recently taken up a class in French Self Defense... It's exhausting, I've never ran so far!"
"I really lack the words to compliment myself today."
"The longest joke in the world. [Worth it.] (http://www.longestjokeintheworld.com)"
"If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink."
"ME: I hate the Kentucky Derby. You get all dressed up and excited and the whole thing only lasts 15 seconds WIFE: Oh is that right"
"Did you hear about the woman banned from Disney World? She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming, ""Lie to me, Pinocchio! Lie to me!"""
"Cinnabon got it right with the whole selling cinnamon rolls all day thing."
"How much force does it take for the Carolina Panthers to lose a Playoff game. One Newton"