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Joke of the Day

"I once lived opposite a slaughterhouse. The view from my bedroom was offal."

"Did it hurt when you fell? Into the toilet, you piece of shit?"

"7: Its the last week of school so we don't have to go. Can I stay home? Me: Ha! Nice try, kid. Teacher: Its true. Me: Ha! NICE TRY, TEACHER."

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"What does dog poo and women have in common ? The older they get the easier they are to pick up."

"I know a girl named Penny But because of inflation, she is going to change her name to Nickel soon."

"How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave."

"Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum. **X-post : /r/ScienceHumour**"

"TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico The child calls him his ""PaDre"""

"Doctor: are you sexually active. Me: I'm not even physically active"