49705

Joke of the Day

"Her: Undress me with your words... Me: I saw a spider in your bra."

"4: Where did I come from? Me: Mommy's belly. 4: How'd I get there? Me: I, uh...put you there? 4: How did you... Me: WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?!"

"What do you call a dedicated but untalented gymnast? A working stiff"

"[over megaphone] ""Police! We have you astounded!"" ""Jim, it's 'surrounded'."" ""No, I know but look at his face."""

"1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don't admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening."

"*Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry"

"What's the definition of relative humidity? Sweat on your balls when you're doing your sister."

"Where do Jedi go to get inked? Tattooine."

"Today is finally Eid! You know what I'm getting for my newborn baby? A first Eid kit!"

"When she texts ""I Love You""... but Auto-correct changes it to ""who is this"""