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Joke of the Day

"My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool."

"I wish there was a ""skip this ad"" button that I could use when talking to annoying people in real life."

"I put suicide notes next to roadkill so their animal families have some closure"

"Hard tacos are just soft tacos from the street."

"I didnt just read it I Reddit"

"Who's the chief of the internet? E-ronimo!"

"BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate"

"If people are talking about you behind your back, then just Fart"

"I know there's something wrong with my braille book... but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a regular thermometer? The taste."