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Joke of the Day

"If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper"

"Relationship status: The pizza is late and I'm worried"

"Why don't Photons go to church on Sunday? Photons never have mass when at rest!"

"*brings a gun to a knife fight* *brings a gun to a pillow fight* *brings a gun to a food fight* who keeps inviting this guy"

"My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then."

"Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab? He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers ""Taxi!"""

"I usually read this subreddit on a toilet,... ...so that I dont shit my pants."

"What is the greatest sport in the history of the Olympics? Discus(s). [I think this works better verbally...]"

"Why Batman never joke into comedy. One rule: NO KILLING"

"Spiders have it about right. If he doesn't bring her a snack when he courts her it's curtains.."