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Joke of the Day

"Funny Book Title Thread! I'll start: ""How To Get The Most Out Of Your Bank Heists"" by Fillmore Sacks"

"Thanks, baby Jesus, for helping me get that new job instead of helping millions of children find water and food. I know it was a tough call."

"People who get offended when I breast feed publicly can fuck off What I'm doing is totally natural and strengthens the relationship between me and my dog"

"Almost had a threeseom. All i needed was 2 more girls."

"A math joke What do you call a bag that never approaches anything? *an asymp-tote*"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a whiz? Because the P is silent!"

"Usually when I try to be slick and say ""keep the change,"" the money I've handed over doesn't cover what I'm trying to purchase"

"A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.'"

"Can't be an atheist after getting in a subway car with no a/c because u now know hell is real"

"I told my ex-boyfriend to masturbate so he could give me a fucking break once in a while."