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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a five year old with no friends? [dark] A sandy hook survivor"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""How long have you been having this phantasy?"""

"I think I'm a light eater. As soon as it's light, I start eating."

"An alcoholic goes to the doctor.. The doctor diagnoses the man and says ""You have alcohol poisoning."" The man replies, ""I am going to find and KILL the person who poisoned my drinks!"""

"Damn girl are you sitting on a F5 key? Cos' that ass is refreshing"

"Why was the lifeguard unable to save the hippie from drowning in the ocean? He was too *far out, man*."

"I covered myself from head to toe in mirrors today. I don't really know why, maybe I'm just at that age where you do a lot of reflecting..."

"what kinda bees make milk. boobies...."

"So I was talking to Abrham Lincoln And I asked him, ""what are you doing tonight?"". He said, ""My wife's dragging me to a play somebody please kill me."""

"How do you titilate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot."