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Joke of the Day

"I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket"

"So a guy sexually lays on top n' stuff on many rolling pins and does a good job. He's on a roll!"

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper up to a mile away"

"Farmers are outstanding in their field because... they can raise things without lifting them"

"Stop calling hurricanes names, you're just giving them the attention that they want"

"Just been watching the Olympic ladies beach volleyball and there's already been a wrist injury. But I should be okay by Monday."

"If you see a swarm of jellyfish, DO NOT enter the ocean. It's a no-brainer."

"Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten"

"Why did the Jews hate the holocaust? Because it ""caust"" them 6 million."

"Used to be I got stoned a lot, people called me a stoner. But now I'm older and my kid brother wants to get baked all the time. So what do I call him?"