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Joke of the Day

"Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado."

"What do you get when you cross a mad cow and an angry sheep? ...An animal in a very baaaaaaad mooooooood"

"""Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you're a cop."" ""I'm a cop."" ""So you're a cop AND a gun dealer? Random, but okay let's do this shit"""

"Jesus was nailed to the cross. He said ""Peter, come forth"". Peter walks up, Jesus waves his hand and he is healed. Next he says ""Mary, come forth"" But Mary came fifth and won a toaster."

"If Wednesday is hump day... Would that make Tuesday foreplay day?"

"Why was Noah a great businessman? He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation."

"What do you call a rude criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself."

"I'm a lot like a pair of testicles. Cause I'm nuts in the sack."

"Saw these two homeless people making out and was like... ...get a room!"