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Joke of the Day

"I used to brag that my dad worked in the food court. I thought he was a food lawyer. Shoulda wondered why a lawyer would wear a sbarro shirt"

"What do you call a drug dealers phone book? -An addictionary."

"How to lose weight - Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight? - Just move your head from left to right and from right to left. - How many times , doctor ? - Every time someone offers you food."

"Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? A: Change?"

"There's a highway to hell. There's only a stairway to heaven. So a car ride downhill or an arduous climb up. Anyway, welcome to the baptism."

"Assert your dominance by crossing out your coworkers name on their food and put your own. Then eat it in front of them."

"ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting. CRITIC: It's worthless. ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway."

"Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who's getting cut from the team"

"5: let's play the quiet game. Me: Okay 5: ready..? Start. Me: 5: Me: 5: whoever talks first is the loser."

"You know what they say about having big hands and big feet 2 out of 3 is not bad"