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Joke of the Day

"As I sit here naked in Hugh Jackman's hotel room, it occurs to me that I might have mixed up my bucket list with my wife's."

"I like my women like I like my sliced meat... Artificial with a bit if fat around the edges."

"When I see battlestar gallactica, I feel this! Cylons are bunch of mean girls."

"Darling, will you catch me if I jump into the water?' Darling, if I say yes, will you jump?"

"I saw some things at the auction labeled ""Art Objects"" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too"

"Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?"

"What are Starbucks two shipping options? Ground and federal expresso"

"Knock Knock ""Who's there?"" ""A police officer."" ""A police officer who?"" ""A police officer who just shot your dog, now open up if you don't want to end up like him!"""

"I've decided my tweets sound better when I say them so instead of tweeting I'm just gonna call all of you when I think of stuff."

"My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am."