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Joke of the Day

"HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird? ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes."

"Her: OMG you're alive!!! I heard you bought the farm! ME: No no, I bought ""a"" farm. HER: but I told everyone you're dead! ME: That's fine"

"My daughter just finished watching Frozen so, counting today that's 12,521,865,635,869 times since Tuesday"

"The shortest joke about Islamic State ""Made in ISIS"""

"Peel n eat shrimp feels remarkably similar to tear the tail off 'n eat the water cockroach."

"Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took...."

"Why are black girls tame in bed? Because they have no daddy issues."

"What do you call the people that Trump didn't pick to be in his cabinet? Qualified."

"What is the hardest part about eating a vegetable? the wheelchair"

"The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled."