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Joke of the Day

"First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!"

"Sometimes I find it hard to express myself because FedEx hears me breathing."

"I'm selling my parachute. Mint condition. Never opened, only used once"

"Why can't you ever trust an atom? Because they make up everything"

"Muffins. So there are two muffins in an oven. One says to the other, ""Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?"" And the second one says, ""Holy shit, a talking muffin!"""

"Had a fight with an erection today... I beat it single handedly."

"The worst thing about pedophiles is... ...they're all fucking immature assholes."

"Why a fruit doesn't walk? Because fruit flies"

"*Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?"

"How do you know you're getting aid's From the pounding sensation in your ass."