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Joke of the Day

"A 1911 and a Glock walk into a bar.. The 1911 says to the Glock: ""Hey, ugly foreigner, want to do a drinking contest?"" The Glock says ""You old idiot, you can only last 8 rounds!"""

"If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened."

"Capitalization is important... It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"Why can't a T-Rex clap? Because they're all dead"

"Did you guys here about what was going on at Mount Rushmore before the carvings? Man, that shit was unpresidented."

"How many dead babies can fit inside a Bio-dumpster? 16."

"How many South Americans are boycotting the World Cup final? Brazilians"

"The constipated mathematician What does a mathematician do when she is constipated? Works it out with a pencil."

"Bruce Jenner, substantiated proof... Women are worse drivers."

"I bought crappy music for 5 cents today, but the guy ripped me off. As he ran off, I yelled ""Hey, I want my nickel back!"""