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Joke of the Day

"*Pearly Gates St. Peter: No way! Me as angel: It's the rules! SP: But the drugs and sweari- M: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN! Snoop: Fo' Shizzle."

"What happened when the cannibal showed up to the buffet late? They gave him the cold shoulder."

"What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg"

"How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine."

"I didn't see you at the camouflage competition private. ""THANK YOU, SIR"""

"I went to see a dermatologist. I asked him to do everything he could to stop me from breaking out. He locked all the doors and barricaded the windows."

"What did the dead person say the skeleton... ""You're a numbskull."""

"What's black on the outside, green on the inside and can go through walls? Ghost avocado."

"Being sick sucks. I've laid in bed for days, ate nothing, lost 4 pounds, didn't go to work and slept nonstop. Wait. Being sick is AWESOME!"

"911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody."