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Joke of the Day

"I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode"

"How did the guitar player bust the G string? He was fingering A Minor."

"What did Ryan Lochte name his Gold medal? GoldiLochtes"

"Having kids can really strengthen a marriage. My wife and I never had a common enemy before."

"I hope my search for my lost heroin... isn't in vein."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'll sleep tonight as well. There's also a pretty good chance I'll take a nap soon."

"What do you call 30 gay guys buttfucking in a circle? A creme-filled donut."

"I'm going door-to-door to promote my new gym. It's called ""Jehovah's Fitness"""

"I sneezed while pissing and almost pissed everywhere I think I have PEE-T-S-D now :( That was scary"

"What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college? A Graduated cylinder."