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Joke of the Day

"playboy: ""apparently they just read it for the articles"" [takes out all nude women] every man on earth: ""well this has back-fired massively"""

"My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO. Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas."

"I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t."

"What do you say to a dangerously cheesy chicken? Stay out of parms way."

"My uncle came out of the closet yesterday. He's not gay. He has Alzheimer's and thought it was the car."

"My mom and her church biddies have morphed Facebook's ""People you may know"" to ""People who likely cleaned your face with spit on a hanky."""

"Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost? He got lost in the maize."

"Anyone know the exact alcohol content of ""lady humps""? How drunk am I going to get off them?"

"*scampers over to ice cream truck* Yes, I'll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please."

"How do you make a pool table laugh? Jiggle its balls"