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Joke of the Day

"I know this may have been posted as it is fairly common, but here it is anyway: What do you call a person who had to be amputated after being attacked by an animal? Claude"

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"*placing Trump & Hillary signs on my lawn Neighbor: ""Confused about who to vote for?"" Me: ""What? No! I'm making a Halloween haunted house."""
"5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off & bumped his head called the doctor & the doctor said U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS"
"BAR JOKE So, a guy walks into a bar...."
"What did the right eye say to the left? There's something between us that smells.. *drops mic*"
"""Hello from the outsiiiiide. I must have called a thousand tiiiiimes"" - me, drunk, leaving my wife another voicemail because I'm locked out"
"I can't wait for the season finale of... ...America."
"The waiter came up to our table. He said, ""Can I take your order?"" I said, ""Sure."" He said, ""Thanks, I'm just really hungry."""
"What do you call a rough Italian neighborhood? A Spaghetto"
"What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !"