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Joke of the Day

"My love for you is like diarrhea I just can't hold it in"

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."

"Pool Went for a swim in one of those infinity pools earlier...couldn't finish a length :-("

"How do you confuse Hellen Keller? step on her books with golf shoes"

"How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft."

"Whats the difference between a Priest and Acne? Acne will wait until you're a teenager to come on your face"

"Ah, spring is here. Time to open the windows and remind my neighbors that I know every word to the ""Grease"" soundtrack."

"Why are turtles so grumpy? Because they can't masturbate."

"It's fun to watch babies taste new things like ice cream, lemons, or 9-volt batteries."

"If you're riding a horse at full speed along side a giraffe and a lion is chasing you, what do you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Props to the radio station I heard this on today."