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Joke of the Day

"How many drugs did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill two and a half men."

"Son: Dad, why'd you name me Achilles? He's from Greek mythology. Dad: Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."

"Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day's specials or the entire restaurant explodes."

"I'm old school in the sense that I always put women and children first. I mean, there could be spiderwebs."

"If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed."

"I was getting the kids out of the bath last night when a complete stranger burst through the door. I swear I've never moved faster down a drainpipe."

"I heard a group of pedophiles dressed up as superheroes and molested kids at birthday parties . Apparently they called themselves the Justkids League ."

"I too was once a male trapped in a female body... But then my mother gave birth."

"The best part about twitter is that it is completely satisfying on a deep emotional level and in no way makes me feel empty inside."

"I don't know or care about anything, unless I'm currently reading, or have read in the past 3-5 minutes, a think piece on the subject."