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Joke of the Day

"I don't know or care about anything, unless I'm currently reading, or have read in the past 3-5 minutes, a think piece on the subject."

Next Joke
 
"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"
"Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?"
"[catches your phone before it hits the ground] Whew, that was close! [smashes your phone against the wall] See, that could have happened."
"Can a ninja kill you with a hidden bladed circle of metal? Shuriken"
"What is a composer's favorite vegetable? Bach choy."
"Does anyone know what happened to Operation Baby? Last i heard, they had to abort."
"A teenager buys condoms for the first time... The cashier says, ""That'll be $9.95 plus tax."". Horrified, the boy exclaims ""I thought they stayed on by themselves!"""
"Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations. ""Our son is covered in pentagrams!"" Well maybe he's just allergic to dairy."
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi"