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Joke of the Day

"Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says ""BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"" The other whale turns to him and says ""Dude you are so drunk."""

"I use words like ""acquiesce"" and ""ubiquitous"" in daily conversation and then I throw in a ""for reals yo"" just to stay mysterious."

"Trump and Hillary fall into the water. Who will be rescued? America."

"You're really limiting yourself if you think sexual harassment is the only way to make your coworkers uncomfortable"

"*looks up from phone* ""Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."""

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me ... they were cramming for their finals."

"What is a physicist's favorite social movement? Half-lives matter."

"Men are like prisms All that matters is length, width, and height."

"I would never bungee jump... I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out cause of one."

"What's the difference between a cunt and an asshole? According to the latest polls, about 4%."