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Joke of the Day

"A man tried to keep two crows illegally as pets! He was arrested for attempted murder."

"Me: I can't live like this anymore, I need to start eating healthier. Also Me: I couldn't decide between nuggets or a burger so I got both."

"What is the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."

"TIFU By having one night stand It broke and I don't have another to replace it with"

"I watch too much Asian porn... I accidentally learned to speak Korean."

"I asked an extremely fit girl if I could see her snatch... So she loaded up the bar and asked, ""How many?"""

"""Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge"" ""Very good sir"" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]"

"Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys."

"I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis. I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her."

"Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN."