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Joke of the Day

"Dear woman who likes to bring her friends along on our first date. You are simply giving me more options just in case I am not feeling you."

"A Freudian slip... ...is where you say one thing but fuck your mother."

"What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator? A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)"

"Thanks for declaring on Facebook that you've found ""true love."" I look forward to watching it implode in real time."

"Hear about the malaysia airlines pizza delivery order? Two large planes."

"Why couldn't the Mayans just make a calendar full of naked women like everybody else?"

"SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: would you like your receipt? ME: no thank you i don't want any proof that i've eaten here"

"Flirt with him. Drop down and pick up your asthma inhaler. Look back, readjust your glasses."

"My mate asked me if Wonderwall was the most culturally influential track of all time I said maybe"

"Alex: A ship that has sunk What is my relationship? Alex: No sorry tha- [glares at wife] I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex"