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Joke of the Day

"What's the paradox of 'lingerie'? Done right, it doesn't linger."

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"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. I would like to invite you to play Candy Crush."
"A Russian walks into an Ukrainian bar... And farts. The Russian says, ""I'm sorry for Putin."""
"Wrote ""I wanna rock!"" on every answer to this Geology test and they made me a tenured professor with a beard and an Indiana Jones hat."
"How does any girl have less than 90 thousand Instagram followers?"
"Staring deeply into the abyss. Paralyzed by fear. Unable to move, let alone function. In short, yes, Pandora. I'm still listening."
"It's called karma, and it's pronounced ""haha! Screw you!"""
"Coworker sneezed, and said ""Oh my. I don't know where that came from."" I'm no Scientist, but I'm pretty sure it came from her nose."
"If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', then the opposite of progress is..."
"Setting up a Moses business would be simple except for one setback... Staff problems."