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Joke of the Day

"Today I got chased by a thief trying to steal my wallet.. I managed to get away, but he definitely gave me a good run for my money!"

"Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve"

"You want to know who never gets checked for their ID? HumIDity."

"how would u like your steak sir? we've got rare, ultra rare, legendary, fossil, or u can try and catch your own steak in the safari zone"

"I'm not an alcoholic, an alcoholic NEEDS a drink... I already have one"

"Kim Kardashian is essentially three asses stacked on top of each other."

"Parenting is much harder nowadays. For example, you have to be able to push a kid on a swing and tweet at the same time."

"What did earth say to the other planet? ""You guys have no life!"""

"When it comes to discipline, I think I lack concentration camp."

"Press reporter asks NASA director 'what did the kepler telescope find out today' ? Water on Mars."