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Joke of the Day

"So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. She's funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop... How cool is that for someone her age??"

"Relationship status: can't go to the same bar as last night, because I'm wearing the same shirt as last night."

"Gotta elect a billionaire President in 2012, 'cause rich white guys just aren't getting their voices heard in DC."

"A seal walks into a bar.... And the bartender says, ""what are you going to have?"" The seal replies, ""anything except Canadian club."""

"can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman ""ok"" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] ""don't look at me"""

"How often does the vampire go down on his wife? Periodically"

"You know why the swimming events are so popular at the 2016 Olympics?.... Because Brazilians rarely get too see clean water"

"There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't."

"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire? Stephen Hawking's"

"Did you hear about the famous nudist? He wanted more exposure."