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Joke of the Day

"Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can ""work from home"", don't use air quotes."

"What's blue and sits on the toilet? A policeman doing his duty!"

"How do you make a Venetian blind? Stick a finger in his eye."

"Doctor Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear that's a lot of calories !"

"You know you are a bad driver when............. you see more middle fingers than a manicurist."

"What's Trump's favorite type of nut? A walnut."

"Blowjobs did not live up to my expectations. They suck."

"What do tornadoes and blondes have in common? When they show up there's a lot of sucking and blowing, but when they're gone, your house and car are gone too."

"Beyonce: I cannot wait to slum it with some earth mortals at - wait what is it called again? Jay-Z: Coachella. Beyonce: Coachella."

"Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown? Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow."