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Joke of the Day

"If we eliminated, ""Is your car running ok?"" from our conversations, my dad and I would never speak."

"I'm going to open up an opticians that also sells jewellery and handbags It'll be called Assess your eyes."

"Why are the Jews angry about the new $20 bill? Because it's only worth $12 now"

"Why do cow wear bells? Why do cow wear bells .......???? Because their don't work :D :P"

"looney toons fans: ah, good... once again elmer has failed to put food on the table... he won't survive the winter. this is truly hilarious"

"Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO"

"I ate the worst cake of my life today, but then again that must have been why it was free at the urinal."

"I've upped my game so now instead of buying women at the bar drinks I buy them a pony"

"Dude yelled ""Fight me like a man"" at me, so I held him down and marginalized him for a thousand years."

"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"