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Joke of the Day

"It's like my Grandpa used to say ,""The fight with grandma isn't over until I fill her pillow with spiders and she gives me back my teeth."""

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"Eat that damn door We are waiting"
"Got so drunk last night that I was able to translate three Pearl Jam albums into English"
"What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted"
"Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!"
"The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand."
"Maybe you need a ladder to climb out of my business?"
"How did the native find his sister in the woods? Pretty good!"
"What does Sean Connery do with his quiche? He opensh hish doorsh with them."
"Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed."