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Joke of the Day

"*84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's ""Jump""? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down"

"Good cop: We got you red-handed! Weatherman cop: Well there's a 70% chance of guilt but I'd go ahead and make weekend plans"

"A joke from Finland Q: What doesn't fit in your butt, and doesn't buzz? A: A Russian butt buzzer."

"If this country cared for its mentally ill they wouldn't be able to join Neighborhood Watch Teams or enter politics."

"These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet."

"Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago"

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... The first muffin looks over and goes ""man, it's really hot in here."" The second muffin replies ""HOLY SHIT! A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me. Then he turned around and asked me a question."

"I've got a really funny knock knock joke, but you're going to have to start it... You: knock knock Me: whose there? You: ... Ummm"

"""How do you find anything in here?!"" -my mugger, giving my purse back"