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Joke of the Day

"You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig."

"Sexual predators are never funny Unless Lena Dunham writes about being one."

"Did you know that your local graveyard doesn't allow anyone who lives where you are to be buried there.... ....As they need to be dead first"

"What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship? Imsosaurus!"

"a man goes to the doctor for an operation to get part of his colon removed. he turns to his doctor and says, so dose this make me a semi colon?"

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"Did you hear about Mr. Pizza's divorce? His wife got full crustody and half his dough."

"Telling a racist joke is like getting in a car with an asian driver If they are not really good, there's a very good chance you'll crash and burn."

"Why did Sarah fall off the swing? ...because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) ...not Sarah."

"Laughed so hard tears ran down my leg."