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Joke of the Day

"You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig."

"What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets? A Rug's Life."

"If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in ""Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,"" we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this?"

"My new neighbor is fat, obnoxious, and loud. Now I know how Canada feels."

"I just emailed ""This is a robbery!"" to my online bank. Will they just put the $$ in my account or do I have to wait for an email back?"

"My work out class has a cancellation policy of $15 if you cancel too late. Which means I just spent $15 NOT to work out. I am my own hero."

"""RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"" ""Kraken's not here."" ""What? Ugh! What can we release?"" ""Gary's here."" ""Gary?! Dammit! Fine... RELEASE THE GARY!"""

"You know how Brussels sprouts and anal sex are kinda the same?? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult"

"Teacher to lil Donal Trump Teacher: what you want to be when you grow up? lil Donald: I want to be Donald Trump because I'm rich, very...rich."

"Why did Hitler fail his math class? He couldn't reach the final solution."