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Joke of the Day

"You know how Brussels sprouts and anal sex are kinda the same?? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult"

"99% of my socks are single. You don't see them crying about it."

"It was so difficult giving Dracula fellatio! I guess I went down for the count."

"[1hr before date] Me: (to waiter) So when I order the extra spicy chicken you say 'brave choice sir' and then bring the Lemon Herb chicken"

"I dated Stephen Hawking but had to break it off. He just wasn't a very stand-up guy."

"So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke."

"I wasn't dancing. I was trying to connect to the wifi."

"Judas: C mon Jesus we re gonna be late for last supper Jesus: The what?? Judas: The supper.. we re gonna be late for supper."

"Mad scientist- Checks for Labs Bartender- Checks for Tabs Boxer- Checks for Jabs Uber- Checks for Cabs Your back - Checks for Stabs"

"Meatloaf would do anything for love Except for eating a proper diet and exercising regularly."