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Joke of the Day

"If you can't afford to get your wisdom teeth removed... Try crystal meth, it really is a miracle drug. *disclaimer: may remove more teeth than expected."

"My head hurts worse than your life sucks. Too bad a couple of Advil can't help your patheticism."

"What company spent over $6.2 billion in buying Viagra? Microsoft"

"Women are always complaining about wanting a boyfriend... And when I offer they act all repulsed and tell me to get out of their house before they call the cops for breaking in, women am I right?"

"Why is 7 afraid of 8? It's not, numbers don't have emotions."

"Why are penguins socially awkward? Because they can't break the ice."

"Me: Did you finish the banana bread? 16: yep Me: Great, because it was actually a healthy zucchini bread. 16: THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF LIES!"

"Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don't make me have to guess."

"Actual Critic Armani blazer: 20k Gucci shoes: 15k Tag Heuer watch: 50k Friend meets you and says ""Looking Idiot"" - Priceless"

"I think ""So do you come here often?"" is a valid pick-up line. I don't want a girl who's drinking 7 martinis everyday."