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Joke of the Day

"Wife was talking for a while so I pulled out my iPod & played her off award show style. This did not go over as well as I hoped."

"Trying to open a Capri Sun is the longest relationship I've had in 2015."

"""Went to watch a movie, I was wearing shorts and he swiped his finger on my leg. Later found out he wiped his booger on me"""

"toothpaste is a big scam. if ur tooth falls out, it stays out. toothpaste Will Not paste it back in."

"Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture of Jesus only needs one nail to hang up."

"What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!"

"""Tell them I just left and should be there any minute."" -Every delivery guy, ever"

"If a user posts Nazi-related offensive content and a German moderator sees it, what happens to the user? He gets banschlussed."

"Which political discussions between the Russians and Americans keenly interest Burger Land citizens? The SALT talks!"

"What's a riot? Three dyslexics"