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Joke of the Day

"Don't even talk to me unless you're an actual cup of coffee. In which case I'd listen to your story as I slowly sip the life from you."

"What do you call a guy who's into beastiality? Someone who really gets his head into the game."

"In light of Jeremy Clarkson's recent firing from BBC... If James May quits in return we will all be in dis-May."

"What makes food go bad? [bacteria](/spoiler)"

"A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the ""mid air"" beach picture :("

"How do you listen to Taylor Swift and N.W.A one after the other? Make a mixed tape."

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they don't call me at all."

"How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't need to, they glow in the dark..."

"I'd like to buy this EXTRA SMALL condom please. ""Sir, that is a sleeping bag"" *winks at cashier continually until she finishes her shift*"

"The toothbrush was probably invented in Arkensas Anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."