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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the fly that flew through a screen door? He strained himself."

"Why did Baby Moses believe he was Egyptian? Because he was in da Nile."

"18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds."

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"What do you call a kid with no arms or legs. Names."

"No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere."

"A Master Baker is known to put a lot of himself into his work."

"She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt."

"I lost my virginity when I was in high school, which was awesome... however I was home schooled."

"Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant."