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Joke of the Day

"Ukraine asks Russia to leave... Russia replies, ""Crimea river."""

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her againit was a pretty big clock."

"Why do black people go to church? Because the father is actually there."

"Call me self-indulgent, but I only stay in motels that advertise ""color TV"" and ""air-conditioning"" on their sign out front."

"If you can't handle me at my drunkest, you don't deserve me when I'm sober."

"There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this."

"What do you call it when you thrust a hairy pole in and out of your mouth, and at the end you spit out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth!"

"'You have an important event coming up? OwmeeGod, count me in!' -pimples."

"The trick to free lunches is to tell your friend ""you get this one, I'll get the next 1"" and then never see them again and make new friends."

"Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won't be unusual."