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Joke of the Day

"8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son."

"How do you stretch your back? ""I don't know."" **shrugs*"

"If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I've never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?"

"I feel bad for Pedophiles They have such a hard time fitting in. (NSFW with imagination)"

"What's both blue and purple and never seen again? This thread :/"

"ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say ""don't try this at home""? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face."

"What did the right eye say to the left? There's something between us that smells.. *drops mic*"

"What do you call an Asian woman with a leg shorter than the other? Irene"

"I was very disappointed to have to pay for my new roof. The builder had promised me it would be on the house."

"I didn't hold open a door for a woman and she said 'I suppose chivalry is dead' So I put my sword through her heart to prove that bitch wrong."