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Joke of the Day

"My wife tells me she wants me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I'm thinking about getting her a treadmill."

"Why is your paper blank? Teacher: Why is your paper blank? Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer ! :D :D"

"Why did Mufasa die? Because he didn't Mufasa-nuff."

"Remember when you were a kid and you used to run through the sprinklers at your uncle's farm and he'd dry you off with his strong arms?"

"I never wash my fruit, in case anybody's wondering how badass I am."

"What is the definition of 'making love'? Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her."

"Knock Knock Who's there Daisy Daisy who Daisy me rollin', they hatin'"

"What type of tree doesn't remove active torrents? A *Cedar* tree."

"[interviewing cave bat] me: any disadvantages to hanging upside down? Bat: [pee rolling down his face] Yes, one."

"4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?"